Reflections
by Precious Pup
Summary: Gibbs's fears about his secret complicated relationship with McGee come to the fore when Tim is shot protecting him. Light slash. Established relationship.Bit angsty, bitter sweet romance.
1. Gibbs's Perspective

Gibbs felt the man in his arms tense and for an instant clutch him tighter as if he was a faithful security blanket and he smiled. He dropped a kiss onto Tim's silky hair and felt him settle back into sleep, his breathing coming slow and regular as he sprawled naked across his chest.

Gibbs watched his hands sooth and stroke slowly up and down Tim's smooth broad pale back. His own hands were so different from Tim's long fingered manicured metro sexual hands. His were strong, rough and battered from working with hand tools on rough wood and from long dangerous years being wrapped around a snipers rifle out in the field. They were also to his despairing imagination becoming more like his fathers, slightly twisted and knarled. His pinky was still slightly bent from where he had been shot. Gibbs studied his familiar hands in the soft morning light filtering through the blinds. Were these old mans hands really his? They were capable but imperfect hands. Perhaps they only seemed that way when viewed against the unblemished perfect expanse of skin across Tim's back?

Tim twitched and with a slight smile snuggled deeper into his embrace, his warm sweet breath playing softly now against Gibbs' neck.

God there were times when Tim made him feel so old. Sometimes Gibbs felt like nothing more than a lecherous old man with candy in his pockets, luring wide eyed innocents off the streets. He knew intellectually it wasn't true but it didn't stop the way he felt sometimes when left too long with his thoughts. Tim wasn't a boy, he was a grown man and a hell of an agent. He was far from being an innocent either as it had been Tim who had seduced Gibbs into his bed that fateful night months ago.

But sometimes he would look at Gibbs with that wide eyed look of wonder and he would give him that smile that made Gibbs think of a child on Christmas morning. His eyes would light up and he would flash his perfect dental white teeth in a rare moment of pure joy. Or there would be that instant when he would look up and Tim would give him a secret smile and peek coyly out at Gibbs through his long lashes. Tim's silky fine hair always smelled like something beautiful, expensive and completely foreign to Gibbs, like fruity bubblegum. Those nights when Tim would lick his lips as he intently played some computer game and Gibbs would see the wet sheen on his full bottom lip from the glare of the computer monitor. He concentrated so hard on that stupid thing, his brow furrowing, his shoulders hunched. It made Gibbs want to straddle his lap, take his face in his hands and kiss him to distraction. Make him forget all about Red Alpha and the rendezvous at 0200. And he often did.

Often there were moments when they were alone together when everything was perfect and there was no team, no Rule Twelve, no don't ask, don't tell, no Vance, no Jenny and then there were times when Gibbs would wonder if Tim would have had more in common with the daughter he once had. It was then that he would ignore Tim's hopeful eyes in the elevator after work and head to his basement instead to continue work on his boat.

As the long cool hours of evening found him sanding the same spot over and over again and he could feel the warm touch of Tim's arms around him even when he was alone he knew he was damned anyway. The big Jim Beam bottle would make yet another appearance and Gibbs would climb the stairs with a bitter groan once he knew he was tired enough and drunk enough to sleep though the rest of the night. The last thing he wanted was to turn up at Tim's door in the middle of the night like some sad stray hoping to share his warm bed. He had more pride than that. Although there had been a few times when he had been close. When the absolution he found in Tim's forgiving arms was too sweet to ignore.

Tim didn't play up the age difference between them. If anything he knew that it concerned Gibbs sometimes so he tried actively to avoid any discussion of it. In fact he seemed to object to the very idea that Gibbs considered himself too old for him taking it as a personal insult and that he was somehow _not enough_ for the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Tim had insisted rather vehemently that he was an adult in charge of his own destiny and choices and one of those choices included Gibbs so he better just get used to the idea.

And so here he was in Tim's bed. Again.

Tim had grown a lot and changed over the last few years. He had put away childish things and settled into the skin of the more confident, experienced Special Agent Timothy McGee. His clothes had changed, his car, his teeth, his expensive toys, and his hair. He had put aside the sugary dinosaur breakfast cereal in exchange for a breakfast burrito or plain toast. It made Gibbs wonder if he too would be out grown like a once favored suit or breakfast cereal, slowly pushed aside to sit unwanted in a container high on a kitchen shelf.

He knew he shouldn't be so melancholy when he lay with a man who loved him desperately in his arms. But he just couldn't seem to help it. He also couldn't seem to help the fierce desire to protect this man child he knew so well. Something about Tim made him want to hold on somehow to the old naïve Tim instead of allowing him to learn the harsh lessons and take the knocks life gave. But it wasn't to be. Day by day Tim was growing up and he just hoped he would be able to stay a part of it for a while longer.

Gibbs felt Tim finally stirring in his arms, and with a sleepy doe eyed smile Tim greeted his lover with a gentle kiss. Looking up at Tim's adoring baby face Gibbs hoped the morning light leeching into the room would be soft on his crow's feet and laugh lines.

"Would you like some breakfast?" Tim nuzzled Gibbs' neck whispering into his ear

Gibbs just raised an eyebrow and Tim grinned, his hair rumpled and sleep mussed.

"Ok how about we start with some coffee?"

Gibbs softly slapped Tim on the ass as he got out of bed and padded quietly into the next room.

"I know you're going to laugh but I feel like some dinosaur cereal this morning. Haven't had any in ages"

Tim's voice drifted out of the kitchen and Gibbs smiled as he settled back against the soft Tim scented pillows.

Perhaps he would be around for a bit longer than he thought.


	2. Tims Perspective

Tim clutched instinctively at Gibbs's lean, hard, warm body beneath him, relaxing as he felt the kiss on his hair. He allowed himself to settle back into his dreaming state assured of Gibbs's presence for one more morning.

Tim knew that the time would come when Gibbs would not be there and he would awake alone with just his dreams of him for company. But it seemed that dreadful day was not to be today.

He tried so hard to make himself into a man Gibbs would want to stay with. He had changed his clothes, his car, his hair, and his teeth. He knew he didn't have Gibbs beautiful steely blue eyes, firm jaw and lean muscular frame. But he had worked with what he could and he hoped it might be enough. He wasn't as attractive as he would have liked and he was still amazed every time he woke to find Gibbs in his bed.

He found himself often just staring at Gibbs in wonder, sometimes just watching him in his sleep. What did this amazing man see in him that could be worth the risks they ran?

Tim didn't think he would ever understand it so he just put it down to a freak aberration, like the true nature of a black hole or bumblebee flight. And hoped like these wonders it would continue.

He had tried to grow up, to be older somehow and to not embarrass and shame Gibbs. But sometimes he still caught a look of disapproval on Gibbs face. It burned him and he simply tried harder, actively shedding the naïve Timothy that had blundered into Gibbs's path trying to become the new confident unflappable Special Agent McGee.

He wanted to be what Gibbs needed. And the far too young 'Probie' McGee couldn't be what Gibbs needed. So he had systematically set about becoming more than he was in the hope that it would be enough to keep Gibbs at his side.

There were times though when Tim wanted to let it all slip away. When he grew tired of always thinking and expanding and changing and he longed to be simply Tim and Jethro. Perhaps one day he would simply stand up, look Gibbs in the eye and say enough is enough. This is who I am. This is all there is but you can have it all. Take me or leave me.

These defiant moments would come to him sometimes when the night was late and the bed was cold and Gibbs would not meet his eyes in the elevator after work.

But then the next night would come and Gibbs would be asleep back in his bed, curled on his side, his arm wrapped tightly around Tim's waist even in sleep. On these nights it only took the mere contemplation of Gibbs walking away to send chills through him and he would turn and rolling Gibbs over Tim would climb on top of him. He would wake him with sweet but insistent kisses that soon turned desperate with longing and desire. Even then on those rare fearful nights Gibbs knew what he needed like he always did. Tim would desperately hitch Gibbs's trim hips higher and there was nothing like the sound of Gibbs moaning Tim's name underneath him as they strained in exquisite pleasure, their bodies entangled together. He would reach for Gibbs's beautiful strong hands and clasp them tightly in his as they came together, shuddering through their orgasm sweating, panting and breathless.

Later after Tim had collapsed and slept exhausted on Gibbs chest, Gibbs would roll him over and make love to him long and soft and sweet, murmuring his name and begging forgiveness in his ear as he kissed away Tim's silent tears. And Tim knew he would never make that defiant stand. He would take whatever Gibbs could offer him and be content. Because Gibbs loved him and he loved Gibbs and that was all he needed to know.

Tim blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked up at Gibbs who held him in his strong arms. The morning light softly lit up the room and Tim thought Gibbs looked beautiful with his silver hair sticking up everywhere and his laughing blue eyes and wondered again how this amazing handsome man could consent to share his bed.

He leaned in and kissed him softly before offering him breakfast.

Gibbs gave him one of his patented looks and Tim laughed.

"Ok how about we start with coffee?"

Tim didn't bother to dress and slipping out of their bed headed into the kitchen naked, a soft smile playing on his face as he remembered the previous night. Gibbs loved him. Whatever happened in the future he knew that right now Gibbs loved him. Perhaps he didn't have to try so hard for his approval? Perhaps he could begin to relax a little?

Tim opened the cupboard and stopped, considering for an instant before he called out to his lover in the bedroom.

"I know you're going to laugh but I feel like some dinosaur cereal this morning. Haven't had any in ages"

Tim pulled out the air tight container of cereal that had been shoved in the back of his cupboard and began carefully preparing Gibbs coffee just the way he liked. Fresh, sweet and strong.

Maybe, just maybe he might be enough for Gibbs after all?


	3. Chapter 3

Gibbs sat in shocked silence. Tim was gone. They had taken him. A flurry of frantic voices and he had been pushed aside by latex gloved hands. After trying so hard to protect him he… Gibbs's eyes drifted down to his hands and Tim's dark dried blood which was smeared up to his elbows from where he had started CPR.

_CRACK._

The gunshot sounded and there was a shout and Gibbs found himself winded as he was forced down onto the rough asphalt by a hard shove to the back. It took him a second to realize what had happened but it was too late. Gibbs quickly struggled up and rolled Tim off him and onto his back.

Gibbs gasped as the pain hit him again at the sight of Tim, already pale and sweating clutching his stomach with a shotgun sized hole in it.

"Gibbs?"

Tim had whispered frightened and he had looked up at him with those beautiful eyes as if the blood and pain was somehow a mistake and Gibbs would tell him it was simply a prank of Tony's that had gone terribly wrong.

It was too much. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was blank. He felt nothing. He could think and breathe and operate and move but he couldn't feel anything. He couldn't feel the hard hospital chairs numbing his ass or taste the bitter sludge that was supposed to be coffee. He couldn't feel the grit in his tired dried eyes as the hours ticked by while he breathed in the flat dry recycled air conditioned and heavily filtered air. He couldn't hear the slow tick of the waiting room clock or the crisp step of the white soled nurses as they strode down the hallway. He was empty and sitting alone on a deserted island of golden sand surrounded by an ocean of cold blue tiles.

On the distant horizon he could see it coming for him like a tsunami, growing ever wider and higher as the pain roared towards him threatening to destroy everything in its path, obliterating the last shreds of his remaining humanity.

So for now he sat silent and empty and waited.

He had tried. He had fought, he had yelled, he had compressed down even when Tim screamed in pain, he had sworn and finally he had prayed as the ambulance swallowed Tim up like some monstrous white whale.

To keep Tim safe he had tried to stay away. He had tried not to love him but he had failed there too. He was supposed to be the strong one. He should have broken it off but he had succumbed to the temptation over and over again and had spent too many nights curled around Tim as he softly stroked his silky hair.

Tim fought for him. In fact it seemed that Tim was still fighting for him and in that final moment he made his choice and laid everything on the line.

His life for Gibbs's

Gibbs shuddered as a tremor rippled through him and watched as water seemed to swirl around his boots, lapping gradually higher. It was coming. Soon he would be nothing as the giant wave of pain ripped him apart. Perhaps he would drown silently like so many, only to finally die years later, a husk of the man he once was.

It was better than feeling the fresh pain over and over as he looked at his shattered team and swam in the guilt of his survival. As he slept on pillows that smelt of Tim's sweet perspiration and longed for imagined arms to wrap around him. As he looked at that empty chair behind that empty desk, so close to his own.

Tim had, in that last instant said goodbye. His eyes had flickered shut and Gibbs has screamed at him in desperation as if sheer will could force him to survive. And then they had opened again. Just for a moment Tim stared deep into Gibbs's blue eyes. There weren't any words but those expressive eyes of his and the slight smile he wore through the pain said it all.

_I love you._

_Thank you._

_Goodbye._

Gibbs felt the salt water on his cheeks sting his eyes as the wave of emotion approached and the water reached ever higher, starting to smother and choke his breathing.

Why hadn't he just told him he loved him? Why had he stayed away and hurt him over and over? He would leave only to come back and they never really talked about any of it.

And now it was too late.

Tim seemed happy to take whatever he offered but that wasn't fair. Tim deserved a full heart not one already broken and shattered too many times. He should have someone young and clever and funny who still looked at the world like it was shiny and new. That's why there were times when Gibbs stayed away even though he knew it was like a serrated knife blade driven deep between Tim's ribs. The painful stab of rejection from a man Tim admired and loved above all others, shining in his tear filled eyes as he watched Gibbs leave again.

Gibbs had hoped that perhaps Tim would forget about him and find someone else who could love him the way he deserved. Someone who could make him happy.

But still Tim wanted him. Loved him with open arms and a generous heart that called to Gibbs like a soothing balm against the violence and despair of the long days.

If only the great and mighty Leroy Jethro Gibbs hadn't been so afraid.

He had been so afraid of hurting Tim, a man he was pledged to protect he had instead caused him pain.

When people looked at them they thought that Tim was soft and that he was the hard assed Bastard. What they didn't know was that Tim was the fearless one. He wasn't afraid to love.

Gibbs saw the Doctor in the white coat approaching him with tired eyes and he heard the roaring in his ears as the destruction came closer.

"Agent Gibbs? Your Agent McGee…..he survived surgery. He has lost some of his small intestine and we had to reinflate his collapsed lung. It will be a difficult recovery and we will have to watch for infection but for now he is in the ICU. I will let you know when he will be able to have visitors."

The roaring in his ears reached a fever pitch and the salt water blurred his eyes as the wave swept up the hallway swallowing chairs and out dated magazines and safety posters as it came towards him in all its overwhelming destruction.

Gibbs hoped it would wash the blood away and leave only the familiar nothingness in its path.

Ducky looked down at him from somewhere far away and smiled kindly before grabbing his elbow with an iron grip and leading him away down the hallway.

"Come Jethro. I think it's about time you and I had a little talk"


	4. Chapter 4

"So Gibbs just what are you going to tell that young man when you get to see him?"

Gibbs blinked and looked up to see Ducky smiling at him with that smile that said he knew too much and he felt his guts clench.

Oh God he didn't want to be having this conversation. Not with Ducky, not with anyone. He hadn't even had this particular conversation with the man involved.

Timothy McGee.

Currently in intensive care with a huge hole in his gut because of him.

Gibbs suddenly saw Tim writhing in agony, curled up on his side, screaming in pain as he frantically tried to push him onto his back and get some compression onto the wound. Blood, there was so much blood everywhere and he couldn't stop it. A sea of red, warm blood.

Gibbs blinked rapidly and looked away from Ducky's warm eyes and wondered how long he had been in a garden? He had been sitting on a crappy yellow plastic chair in a hallway and now he was under a tree on a bench in the dark of very early morning. Did hospitals even have gardens? He supposed they would. It seemed a nice garden although there were some trees he didn't recognize. Tim would know what they were……..

Ducky cleared his throat and moved again so he was in front of Gibbs. He raised his eyebrows over his glasses.

"I'm waiting Jethro"

Gibbs felt his heart hammering and the familiar mask descended. He stood and looked down at Ducky instantly feeling more in control. Yes. He was going to be fine. He had survived worse. He was Special Agent Gibbs of the Major Response Unit. He took a knock that's all. It was always hard when a team member got hurt. But Tim…no McGee was going to fine. A few more days and everything would start going back to normal. No one needed to know.

"What do you think I'm going to say Duck? McGee saved my life. I might have a thing about apologies but I think it would be right to say Thank you to him"

And Ducky said absolutely nothing.

And waited.

Gibbs glared and took several steps before turning and coming back again, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"I mean he could have died today Ducky! McGee! Damn it. What was he doing being heroic and pushing me out of the way? If something happened to McGee, Tony would be ….well he would be a wreck. Always wondering what the last words he said to him were and if they were nice or mean. And knowing Tony's damn luck he would have been teasing him about some stupid thing. And Abby? Can you imagine what she would be like? McGee is the only one she trusts in her lab and they are so close. Ziva. Well she pretends to have it all under control but she would be crying just like the rest of them. It was stupid and foolish and IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! I've lived my life. I'm Team Leader. He is my responsibility. That was my bullet. My call, not his. Why did he do it Duck? "

And finally Ducky smiled up at him.

"Because he loves you Jethro"

Gibbs felt the world tilt as his knees nearly gave way from underneath him at this calm assured statement from his oldest friend.

"What…what are you talking about?"

Gibbs swung himself back down onto the bench heavily beside Ducky and covered his face with his hands. He didn't know if he wanted to hear this.

"Oh he has always loved you Jethro. You should know that by now? Maybe not always romantically like now but from the moment you claimed him as yours, as part of your team he cared for you. He admired you and looked up to you as a mentor, someone to teach and guide him. Then as he got to know you better he cared for you as a good friend. I don't know when he fell in love with you exactly, I don't know if anyone ever does but in some ways he has always loved you Gibbs. And he always will."

Gibbs sucked in a deep breath as his chest hurt and he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest as if he could somehow hold himself together.

_You belong to me now _

He had said that to Tim when he had pulled him from Norfolk onto his team. And Tim had been so happy. He had wanted to be on the team so badly. He would drive for hours back and forth to Norfolk and miss out on sleep just to spend more time with the team. Nothing was too good for him. He even crawled around on his hands and knees in the stifling heat getting their network re wired when the air conditioning broke down. It was that attitude which had impressed Gibbs at the time. That and they had a need for his unsurpassed computer skills.

Gibbs knew he was pretty green and inexperienced but at the time he had considered that a good thing. He could train him up the way he liked so Tim would know exactly what Gibbs wanted from him. So he would anticipate and learn Gibbs' way of doing things without someone else's hard learnt lessons in the way.

There had been moments though when Gibbs had rolled his eyes in frustration at Tim's naiveté. When Gibbs wondered if perhaps being a Field Agent wasn't what sweet gentle Tim was suited to.

But that had been so long ago.

And now years later Tim had learnt _exactly_ what Gibbs liked. Almost too well.

Gibbs remembered the feel of Tim's clever hands running over his naked body eagerly and his green eyes almost wild with desire and passion. He never held anything back even when it cost him. And it was intoxicating to be loved by someone like that. There would be moments when he was in Tim's bed when their roles were reversed and it was Gibbs who felt helpless and it was Tim showing him the way.

The two men sat in the dark silence for long minutes, lost in their own thoughts until Gibbs pulled his hands away from his face and turned towards Ducky.

"You knew? How long have you known…." Even then Gibbs couldn't bring himself to say the words that put him and Tim together.

Ducky patted his knee comfortingly.

"They say love is blind. Well I suppose it's true. You did a good job of hiding it I must say but still I could tell. He would look up at the elevator every time you were out without him, waiting for you to come back safe. He would worry about you. When Vance congratulated him on the Laurence case the other week? You beamed more than he did you were so proud of him. When he helps you with your computer he always rests his hand on your shoulder as if he wants to make a connection with you. Lots of little things that if you watch them for long enough add up. You forget Jethro I have been around for a very long time. I have seen your loves and your wives come and go."

Ducky settled back into the bench and rubbed his hands in the chill morning air and pulled his coat tighter around himself while Gibbs sat feeling a bit shocked.

"You don't seem to mind. I mean about me and….."

Ducky smiled and gave Gibbs a bit of a wry look.

"Well I was hoping you would come over and talk to me about it one night as you seemed to be having some concerns about it. Still do it would seem. But I waited for that knock on my door and it never came. I figured you would come when you were ready to talk to me about it. You're not exactly a man who can be pushed into talking Gibbs."

And Gibbs gave a short laugh

"Well no Duck I'm not."

"Well then…." Ducky looked across at him expectantly

"What?"

"You still haven't answered my original question. What are you going to tell Timothy when he wakes up?"

"That's just it Ducky. I don't know. Mostly right now I want to yell at him. He scared the shit out of me. And he's not out of the woods yet. It's going to be months before he's back with the team, that's if he wants to come back at all after all the shit I have put him through. I mean I've never exactly told him……. Well how I feel about him. Not in words. Trust me I have thought about it a thousand times and it always makes more sense to break it off. Maybe I hand the team over to Tony? He deserves his own team now anyway. I mean what am I going to tell Tim's family when I see them? I'm sorry your son's hurt and by the way I'm secretly screwing him? What do I tell the rest of the team? Vance? Fornell? You want me to just tell them all I'm sleeping with a subordinate? With McGee of all people? That some nights he's all I can think about? Damn it Ducky. It's just not right. It can't happen. It doesn't make any sense."

Gibbs's voice rose louder and louder as the anger replaced the fear.

"Love doesn't make sense Jethro."

And suddenly just like that all the anger was gone and Gibbs shoved the palms of his hands into his eyes to stop himself from crying.

"Who said I loved him Duck" he rasped out

"Now look whose being the fool"

Gibbs threw his head back and looked at the first streaks of morning color lightening the sky after a very long night. Pink and scarlet and purple shot through dark navy velvet. It was beautiful. If Tim was here beside him he would probably be taking a photo of it on his phone. He liked beautiful things. Then he would wordlessly slip his hand into Gibbs' and nuzzle his cold nose into Gibbs' neck. And Gibbs would laugh and push him away and Tim would smile with mischief and sneak his hand up under Gibbs' coat and tickle his ribs till he begged laughingly for mercy.

When Tim had first discovered by accident that Gibbs was ticklish, Gibbs had been mortified. Tim had been delighted. Gibbs remembered the predatory look on Tim's face as he watched Gibbs from under the large fluffy quilt on his bed as Gibbs moved about his bedroom in the cold morning darkness, gathering up his scattered clothes and belongings. He always left early, when it was still dark so no one would know he hadn't stayed at home. He had felt the hairs on the back of his neck go up as he waited for Tim to pounce on his prey. Tim would wait and watch in his warm snuggly cave with his hair all sticking up and that smile on his face until Gibbs would whirl and demand 'What?"

And Tim would smile wider and beckon him back to his side.

Gibbs groaned at the thought of it. He loved those rare stolen mornings.

"God what a mess I have made"

Ducky cocked his head to the side and looked at Gibbs appraisingly.

"I don't see what's so bad. He loves you, literally more than his own life and you love him. Personally I don't think that is something you should just throw away. So maybe you don't announce it from the rooftops just yet but I think it is something Timothy deserves to know"

Gibbs continued to look up at the cold stars still peeping out through a purple and pink canvas stretched above him. He felt old and tired under their ageless eternity.

"I don't know Duck. If we weren't…you know maybe he wouldn't have taken that bullet for me. Maybe he would be safer without me"

Ducky frowned exasperated with his friend and gave him a cross glare.

"If you think Timothy McGee wouldn't have taken that bullet for you four years ago, then you are a fool. Any member of your team would do that for you and you for them. That is not what this is about. You have already said you have tried to break it off and can't, so stop making yourself AND him miserable and just give it a chance. There are too few chances of love in this world Gibbs to simply throw one away."

Gibbs looked at Ducky as he sat there. Ducky, his oldest friend who went home now every night to a vast empty house. Ducky, a man born to love and care for someone who seemed fated to live alone and childless. It seemed fate had offered him too many opportunities to love and Ducky too few.

Gibbs turned to Ducky and tried to explain, his words creating small puffs of white in the cold crisp air.

"I'm too old for him. I'm too set in my ways. We are too different. It will never work. For Gods sake Ducky I build boats in my basement and have divorce lawyers on my speed dial. I will cost him too much. If anyone finds out it might impact on his career…"

Ducky smiled and held up his hands to stop the flow of reasons

"Why don't you let Timothy decide what he wants?"

Gibbs stopped and thought of the way Tim would watch him sometimes when he thought he was asleep with that stupid little goofy smile on his face. He was so beautiful. And sweet in a way he was sure he didn't deserve. He had a rare laugh that was almost a boyish giggle that made his heart race. And a naughty daring side to him that made him break out in a sweat.

Suddenly Gibbs wasn't sure if he was more afraid of Tim saying yes to him. Or no.


	5. Chapter 5

Tim awoke and blinked trying to clear his fuzzy vision. Blank white ceiling. Dry mouth. He blinked again. He felt nothing. He was empty.

He remembered seeing the huge dark shining pile of blood on the ground as they lifted him quickly up onto the stretcher and carried him away into the ambulance, strange urgent voices and hands and bodies surrounding him. That was why he was empty. He had left it all behind on that dirty bitumen.

He had strained his head back even as they struggled to get an oxygen mask over his face. Even through the pain. He needed to see Gibbs' face, to know that everything was going to be alright. He was so afraid. It hurt so much. Gibbs would look at him and he would know that everything was going to be ok. Just like it always was.

Pain that couldn't be masked by the strongest painkillers known to man couldn't hide what he was feeling now as he remembered Gibbs kneeling in a pool of his blood, head sagging down onto his chest. He hadn't even watched him go.

Gibbs had given up on him.

Was that why he wasn't here? He never expected Tim to be able to pull through? Did he really think he was a weak as that? After all this time did Gibbs not truly understand his strength?

Tim gasped and heard the monitors and machines beside him that had been keeping a slow measured rhythm suddenly stutter and soar, growing increasingly louder.

No No No. He needed to get up. To get out. To tell Gibbs that he was ok. He needed to show him that he wasn't weak. He was strong and he wouldn't let this stop him. Where was Gibbs? Had something happened to him after he had been taken away?

Had Gibbs been hurt? Had the shooter returned to the scene? Why couldn't he move his legs?

Tim struggled against what felt like steel bands across his chest and arms as fresh pain exploded behind his eyes. He didn't understand. What was wrong? What was happening to him! He arched his back and tried to make his body move under his command. No no no no. Black spots swam about the endless white and seemed to close in on him.

Where was Gibbs? Why wasn't he here? What was wrong with him?

Somewhere down the sterile corridor an alarm sounded at the nurse's station and rubber soled feet hurried to his side. The white curtain was torn back with a metallic shearing sound.

He struggled to breathe through the pain and he tried to tear off the mask covering his face in his panic. Tubes and needles deep in his arms. Panicked voices again surrounding him, bright lights shone into his eyes. No warm familiar voice.

Gibbs had wanted to leave him for so long. He had seen it in his eyes. The stabbing anxiety always present behind the surprising joy. He hadn't known how to do it. Gibbs had always been the one left by others. He had never been the one to do the leaving. Whenever he left Tim's bed it was always without goodbye and Tim had nothing but his hope that he would eventually came back.

Had Gibbs finally said goodbye? Was this it? Had he shamed Gibbs so much by being foolish enough to be shot that he couldn't stand to look at him? What had he done?

_Get the crash cart in here! We're losing him!_

*******************************************************************

Gibbs stepped back into the corridor with Ducky at his side. He was going to do this. He couldn't believe it but he was going to give it a shot. He was going to tell Timothy McGee that he was in love with him and he would like to pursue an adult relationship with him.

He didn't know when he had felt more afraid.

Suddenly he was pushed aside as a flurry of doctors and nurses surged down the hallway surrounding a patient. A man was kneeling astride him and furiously giving him chest compressions and shouting instructions.

Gibbs caught a look at the patients face and suddenly Ducky grabbed his arm.

"No Ducky No Tim? TIM NO!"


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't understand! Where have they taken him? I need to be there!" Gibbs raged at the young doctor while Tony and Ducky tried to calm him down, gentle restraining hands on his arms.

"I'm sorry Sir. We suspect something went wrong with the surgery so they have taken him back in to investigate. His condition deteriorated rapidly and we didn't have the time to call you. His heart stopped and he went into cardiac arrest but they were able to revive him. That is all I know at this stage. As soon as we know more someone will come and get you."

Gibbs suddenly sagged as he realized the futility of yelling at a young man who couldn't tell him what he needed to know. He couldn't tell him that Timothy McGee would be fine and he would forgive him.

His Timothy wasn't fine.

Gibbs blinked rapidly at the pain in his chest and sank down into another crappy plastic chair the hospital had so thoughtfully provided.

Tim's heart had STOPPED.

Gibbs couldn't imagine Tim lying pale and still, frozen eyes still open wide as the silent nurse pulled the white sheet up over his face. Eyes eternally locked watching the doorway he hadn't stepped through in time to tell him…

Why? Why was he always too late? Why hadn't he been brave enough to simply tell him? And now it was too late.

"Breathe Jethro. Just breathe. He's going to be fine. He's a lot stronger than everyone thinks, you know that. Breathe"

Ducky's voice penetrated the murkiness and the warm hand on his head pushing his head down helped clear the spots from his eyes.

What was happening? For fucks sake he was hyperventilating!

Gibbs cursed himself and tried to slow his breathing down, taking slow deep breathes, quickly dashing away the tears with the heel of his hand that had started trickling down his face. A rush of noise burst through the silence and Gibbs heard his own harsh sob choked breathing fill the hallway.

Ducky crouched in front of him like a stable center point in a collapsing universe of cheap linoleum, disinfectant and endless insurance forms.

Gibbs placed his hand on Ducky's shoulder and just held on for a minute, savoring the warm solidness of the contact. Ducky smiled softly at him and then cleared his throat giving Tony a quick glance.

Shit. Tony.

Part of Gibbs had forgotten he was even there.

"Jesus Duck, what am I a Probie? I know how this works. Stupid hospitals won't tell you anything. He's going to be fine. Dammit Tony here gets hurt all the time. He should have some sort of frequent patient miles or something"

Gibbs anxiously tried to joke and Tony simply nodded and gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes, too shaken by Gibbs' almost collapse to comment further.

It scared him. Gibbs was fraying at the seams like an old well worn knitted sweater. It had started at the scene with small bits coming off the sleeves but now it seemed like huge chunks of the strong man he knew seemed to be coming undone leaving beige, brown and blue streaks on the floor.

It was like McGee had snagged something on Gibbs when he was shot and as McGee was whisked away in the ambulance he had held tightly onto it, slowing pulling Leroy Jethro Gibbs apart.

Gibbs wasn't allowed to unravel. It wasn't fair. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. The team needed him. They needed Gibbs to be strong and to shake his fist at the world and defy medical science. They needed him to insist that McGee would get better with that look in his eye that dared anyone to question him. Not to sit hunched and crying and pale like some broken old man.

Tony looked around. It was all wrong. A bad dream. McGee wasn't supposed to be in surgery again. McGee was the Probie, the computer expert. He wasn't meant to be the one that got shot. They all had very clear roles that they needed to play to make this team work damn it! Didn't they know that? This was all wrong. The …the damn script was all wrong!

Tony straightened his shoulders. Ok fine. Well his team needed him. He could play outside his casting criteria when he wanted to.

"Ducky? How about you get Gibbs a big decent coffee? We could be waiting a while and the coffee here is enough to make anyone sick. Gibbs you just wait here and let me know if you hear anything ok? I'm going to make some calls to Ziva, Abby and Vance so they know what's going on"

Tony strode off trying to feel confident that everything would be fine and tried not to pay attention to how his heart lurched when Gibbs simply nodded despondently, his eyes never leaving the floor. Ducky though looked up and gave Tony a warm smile and a little nod of the head before hurrying to do his bidding.

Tony flicked his eyes down the endless long white corridor where Tim had been rushed before being swallowed by the mighty O.R. He found himself taking a second away from Gibbs' devastation and Ducky's concerned gaze as he tried to center himself. Closing his eyes he leaned his forehead against the flat cold glass window. He found himself savoring the chill against his skin as he whispered, his breath leaving the briefest mist on the glass.

"McGee you better get your ass up and about soon buddy, because we ALL need you. I don't think any of us can loose one more person we care about. I'm sorry but we have reached our limit and you're it. So no excuses McHero. You let them fix you up and you get back into recovery and start flirting with those nurses you hear me? I will even give you lessons since you're bound to screw it up."

Tony smiled at himself and found he felt better after the pep talk he had mentally given McGee. He took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders before pulling out his phone. Tony turned as the phone started to ring to see Gibbs, leaning elbows on knees, with his hands clasped together staring out into space.

What the hell was the Boss thinking about that put that strange sad little smile on his face?

"_You learn by doing Tim…."_

Gibbs remembered climbing astride Tim as he lay on the floor at the crime scene on Halloween and showing him how a sentry would snap a neck with a sharp twist. He had his strong rough hands around the back of his neck and firmly on Tim's jaw as he sat on his stomach. But it was the way Tim's eyes had burned into his, suddenly unreadable as Gibbs looked down at him that had bothered him when the case was closed. The way Tim had taken a moment to get his thoughts back together to continue the lesson. Later Gibbs had lain awake at night and wondered what it was Tim was trying to tell him with his big expressive pretty green eyes.

Months later it had been Tim who had climbed on top of a naked Gibbs and with a teasing smile started to kiss his neck.

"You learn by doing Jethro…"


	7. Chapter 7

Tim's heart stopped.

"Take off your shirt Tim"

Gibbs looked up at him from his desk and Tim felt like all his recent private fantasies and teenage nightmares had just been rolled all into one. Gibbs didn't seriously want him to undress in the middle of the bull pen did he?

"I said take your shirt off McGee"

Tim licked his lips as Gibbs gave him that commanding look and he slowly raised his hands to his collar as his heart started to pound furiously.

"Here we go" Tony had joked with a slightly alarmed look on his face as Tim started uncertainly to unbutton his shirt.

"Take it down to Abby. As evidence."

"Why would…." Tim trailed off as Gibbs gave him that confident smirk that turned his insides to butter and his brain finally decided to join the party.

"So Abby can run her tests against the blood on the shirt and see if she gets a match!"

"There you go."

Gibbs smiled and held out a plastic bag which Tim stuffed his bloodied shirt into.

It was then that there was that split second when Tim leaned towards Gibbs eagerly, bare to the waist and he had caught Gibbs' eyes lingering on his soft smooth chest.

But no.

He MUST have got that wrong. Gibbs was probably thinking of something else. Something case related. Besides after that DiNozzo had whipped off his shirt and Tim had felt lost in the comparison against Tony's far more tanned, muscular and admittedly hairy chest. It was when Ziva was ogling the two of them he had quietly endeavored once again to hit the gym a little harder than he had been.

Months later when Tim lay in Gibbs' arms and he felt Gibbs softly rhythmically stroking his smooth chest he had remembered that moment and it brought a smile to his face. Perhaps Gibbs really had been checking him out? Tim found himself grinning in the darkness in satisfaction. He might not be the best built guy in the word but Gibbs didn't seem to mind.

Gibbs had nudged him then, curious to find out what brought the smile to his face.

Tim had blushed and shook his head, embarrassed.

'It's nothing"

'No come on Tim what is it?" Gibbs peered down at his young lover who appeared to be trying to hide his smile in the crook of his elbow.

"No it's silly."

"Then what's the problem in telling me?" Gibbs grinned and pushed a little harder, intrigued now and Tim shook his head.

"Tim you know you're going to tell me"

"Tim"

"Tim, come on"

"Come on Tim wake up"

"I know it hurts but I just need you to wake up for me. Tim? Please?"

Tim woke from his strange dream to see Gibbs bending over him, concern and worry written in every dearly loved line in his face.

"Gishbbbs?" Tim struggled to speak. He felt woozy and his throat felt scratchy and sore like someone had shoved tubes down it.

"Oh Timmy" Gibbs breathed it out softly and buried his face in Tim's neck, carefully cradling his head in his hands. Even underneath the smell of hospital sheets and disinfectant and machinery he could still smell Tim's familiar shampoo and a faint whiff of cologne against his skin. It made his heart ache and he felt the tears start to sting his eyes at the warmth of the man beneath him.

Tim blinked and tried to gather his wooly thoughts together as Gibbs pulled back and gazed at him tenderly.

"Whatz wrong?" Tim whispered faintly as he carefully put a hand on Gibbs rough unshaved cheek and thumbed away a tear. Gibbs looked so unhappy and so very tired and sad. Did someone get hurt? Did Tony get hurt again?

Gibbs gave a sharp bark of laughter and gripped strongly onto Tim's hand still cupped to his face.

"What's wrong? What's wrong other than I thought I had lost you?"

Tim smiled softly, blinking rapidly in his exhaustion as he struggled to stay awake, fighting against the drugs swirling through his system.

"Silly Jethro. Nevr loose me"

Tim's quiet harsh whisper sounded like a soothing balm to Gibbs' aching soul and he bowed his head in silent gratitude. He had his chance. Tim was alive and he still loved him no matter what an asshole he had been. And he was going to make it up to him. Everything was going to be different. Once he couldn't see anything that could be worse than someone finding out about them. Now he knew that the only thing worse than that was loosing Tim altogether.

Tim glanced blearily at the door and suddenly stiffened. Gibbs looked across to see Ducky guarding the door and allowing them a few precious private moments before the rest of the team stormed the room.

Tim looked up at him with panic in his eyes and Gibbs gently shushed him with a tearful smile, placing a finger across his soft full lips.

"It's ok Tim. Ducky knows about us. He's fine with it"

Tim just sort of blinked worriedly up at Gibbs and then slowly hesitatingly nodded. Gibbs sighed softly with regret. He had drilled the need for discretion and silence about their relationship into Tim so often it was no wonder he was so hesitant to recognize acceptance. He shouldn't have been the one to fill Tim with fear when Tim only filled him with joy.

"There is something I have to tell you Tim. Something I should have said a long time ago and I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you. I am a fool and I hope you will forgive me."

Tim looked up at Gibbs in obvious confusion and Gibbs smiled leaning in close to his ear to whisper.

"Timothy McGee I want you to know that I…"

"Probie! You're awake! Abby! Ziva! He's awake! Ducky will you get out of the way?"

Tony bounced excitedly in the doorway as Ducky tried to stall him and Gibbs bit back a curse of frustration, screwing his eyes shut. Excited squeals could be heard from further down the hallway followed by the chairs being pushed back and platformed feet coming towards them.

Dammit couldn't he have two minutes alone with the man he loved? He had nearly died. Twice. How many more chances was he going to get? This was important. Tim needed to know that he cared. That he wasn't just going to leave him. He was done leaving. He wanted to find out what sticking around felt like. Gibbs gripped the metal hospital rail in his hands tightly. DiNozzo was going to get the biggest head slap if he came anywhere near him. In fact he was probably going to end up unconscious on the floor the way Gibbs was feeling.

Gibbs looked down at the pale young man who adored him. Who even now was softly smiling as if Gibbs holding his hand was all he asked for. Who took a bullet for him. Who would do whatever he asked of him even when it hurt him. Who trusted him with his heart.

Fuck it

Gibbs leaned in and kissed Tim softly full on the lips.

Time slowed down to heartbeat. He closed his eyes and softly savored the warm familiar lips and then his heart leapt as he felt Tim smile against his own.

There was a violently loud split second of utter silence and then chaos erupted.


	8. Chapter 8

Gibbs pulled away slowly and smiled down at Tim who was smiling softly as the team exploded behind him. Tim looked weary and pale with dark circles under his eyes and Gibbs gently ran his fingers through his short bangs sweeping them to the side.

"Sleep Timmy. I will be here when you wake up"

Relief that was almost tangible swept across Tim's face and he relaxed instantly under Gibbs' hand and allowed himself to fall back into exhausted sleep. Gibbs straightened and prepared himself to face the music. He turned slowly to look at Abby, Tony, Ziva, Ducky and Palmer as he stood beside the bed of his young lover and team mate.

Abby was shrieking loudly and waving her arms about in something that could have been anger but could just as easily have been excitement. Tony was wild eyed and utterly silent as he gaped open mouthed at Gibbs and McGee. Ziva was glaring angrily at Gibbs and loudly muttering something that sounded very much like a string of curses in Hebrew. Ducky was trying to calm everyone down while Palmer was stuttering excuses, looking everywhere except at Gibbs and seemed to be contemplating leaping out of the window to escape the situation.

Gibbs stood and caught Ducky's eye and the older man moved back to the doorway and reaching out into the hallway pulled the door firmly closed with a loud click. Everyone turned to look at Ducky and silence again descended onto the room.

Ducky gave everyone a reassuring smile.

"I'm sure everyone has had a bit of a shock and wants to say something to Gibbs. I believe you will have your chance. But for now what is said in this room STAYS in this room. I would like to consider this matter a private one"

Gibbs smiled gratefully at Ducky and then returned to trying to judge the dangerous swiftly changing mood of those in the room.

Tony turned to Ducky confusion written across his face.

"You knew?"

Ducky smiled quietly.

"Well Anthony, lets say I suspected for quite some time but I didn't have it confirmed until earlier today. I was trying to give Gibbs a few moments alone with Timothy when you came in."

Suddenly Tony flushed with anger and bristled under Gibbs continued scrutiny. He took a step forward and with a wave of his hand gestured to the sleeping man in the bed.

'You're fucking MCGEE?!"

The shouted words sounded like a hysterical whip crack through the room and Gibbs' eyes narrowed in anger. That made it sound so dirty. Like he was taking advantage of Tim somehow and manipulating him into something he didn't want. Like all there was between them was down and dirty fucking. It was so much more than the sex. It was a relationship he valued deeply even when he struggled to commit to it. Tim gave him permission to be who he wanted to be rather than who he thought he should be.

"Watch your mouth DiNozzo"

Gibbs tried to reign in his deep anger at Tony knowing the bone numbing weariness and anxiety of the last 24 hours wasn't helping any of them in this situation.

Tony stepped up angrily into Gibbs face, bitterness twisting his handsome features

"Watch my mouth? Watch my mouth? What are you my Father now? If you're my father then what are you to McGee? His Grandfather? A grandfather who bends him over and fucks him? He trusted you, you Bastard!"

The sudden hard slap across the face snapped Tony's head to the side and he grabbed his cheek even as Gibbs backed away trembling with anger.

"How dare you talk about him that way!"

Gibbs ground out the words through a tightly clenched jaw and balled his fists tightly at his side. Tony could say what he liked about him but Tim didn't deserve what Tony was implying.

Tony glared at Gibbs, a red mark blooming fresh on his cheek from the impact while everyone else stared transfixed and shocked at the confrontation in front of them.

Tony whispered harshly

"Who are you? Where have you taken Leroy Jethro Gibbs? I don't know this man that lies and cheats and keeps secrets from his friends."

Gibbs could hear the hurt and betrayal in Tony's voice as he struggled to hold back tears and suddenly then Gibbs understood. It wasn't that he was sleeping with Tim that bothered Tony. It wasn't the sex.

It was the secrets.

Tony was so tired of being betrayed and having things hidden from him, over and over. And to have two people that he loved and trusted both in and out of the field going behind his back felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Gibbs knew he had to act fast otherwise Tony might well leave that room and their relationship would be fractured forever.

"Tony Please. I'm sorry. You know how I feel about apologies but in this matter you deserve one. You all do. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier. I have really screwed up with all of you and especially with Tim. We have been….seeing each other. I didn't want to admit to it and I thought if anyone knew …well you all know what can happen. I don't care about me, I've had my career but it could ruin Tim. I didn't plan it. In fact I tried to avoid it. Tim is a team mate and a friend and it just got ……complicated. I barely admitted it to myself let alone trust anyone else with it. Please Tony, just stay. I need you to help me with this."

Gibbs pleaded with his eyes as he finished his speech not knowing if it would be enough to make Tony stay. Tony was silent and breathing heavily and without looking at anyone he turned and sat down heavily on a chair rubbing his hand over his tired sore eyes. The painful anger had burned away and now he was just in shock.

Gibbs and McGee. Gibbs and McGee. Gibbs AND McGee. Gibbs and MCGEE.

Tony remembered the look of devastation as Gibbs knelt in a huge pool of McGee's blood and watched the ambulance leave the scene the sirens wailing. Gibbs silently weeping in the corridor. Not being able to say anything about how he felt. Tim pushing Gibbs out of the way and taking the bullet for Gibbs. Fuck.

"You need our help Gibbs?" Abby's gentle nature and natural curiosity got the better of her as she looked across to Gibbs worriedly.

Gibbs smiled sadly "Yeah Abbs. I'm in completely new territory here and I seem to be doing a really good job of screwing everything up."

"You hurt him very badly Gibbs. I do not think he deserves you"

Ziva's statement surprised everyone and they all turned to look at her where she stood glaring angrily at Gibbs.

"I have known for months he was seeing someone. He wouldn't tell me who. But I did know they were hurting him. I never guessed it would be you. I thought you cared about him more than that."

Gibbs just looked surprised and Ziva continued

"After work one Friday I was in the car park and I heard something. Eventually I found McGee curled up in dark corner against a wall. He was crying. I was very worried for him because he had seemed fine, almost happy that afternoon. McGee was very embarrassed that I had found him and he tried to hide the fact that he had been crying. He wouldn't tell me what was going on but I asked him questions until I figured out that he was seeing someone. Someone who he cared about a great deal. Someone who didn't want to continue seeing him. Someone who he thought was ashamed of him."

Ziva glared at Gibbs and Gibbs closed his eyes in sorrow.

He remembered that Friday night. He had told Tim in the elevator during their 1 minute snatch of privacy that he wouldn't be coming over to his place tonight as planed. That in fact he thought it would be a good idea that he never went over to his place again. Gibbs had been firm, stony faced which belied the swirl of pain churning through his gut. He hadn't been able to look at Tim knowing that his wide eyed devastation would make him want to pull him into his arms.

Gibbs had gone straight home and drunk himself into a stupor in his basement. He hadn't thought about Tim stumbling from the elevator unable to even make it to the privacy of his car before the tears overtook him. Hunched into a ball as he tried to muffle his pain from prying ears.

Gibbs opened his eyes and looked down at Tim blissfully asleep. Gibbs took a deep breath and looked up at them all. Abby's soft look had changed considerably and she looked almost fierce. Tony looked lost and unhappy while Ducky seemed sad. Ziva was still glaring angrily at Gibbs while Palmer seemed almost indignant on Tim's behalf that Gibbs could possibly be ashamed of him.

Gibbs accepted their silent condemnation silently for a long minute. It was Ducky's familiar enquiring gaze which forced an answer out of him.

"Look I did what I thought was right for both of us. I didn't like what I was costing him so I ended it"

"And when you went back?"

Ziva was relentless in her interrogation. She wanted a full confession before Gibbs even thought about leaving the room.

Gibbs lifted his chin and squared his shoulders accepting the deep pain as Ziva moved in for the kill accusing him of the very crime he cursed himself for over and over again. His head would argue the logic of staying away but his heart would yearn for the laughter and peace that came from being at Tim's side.

"Yes Gibbs if you thought you were costing him too much why did you keep going back? Two weeks after I found him crying I spoke to McGee privately because he seemed happy again. He implied that he and this other person had patched it up again. I warned him then to be careful. Do you know what he said? He said that when they were together everything was so perfect that even half of perfect was more than he deserved. Deserved Gibbs! That's what he said. This is McGee, one of the best men I know and he deserves a partner a hell of a lot better than YOU!"

Gibbs held her dark stormy eyes in his bright blue ones before he replied with firm conviction.

"I know"


	9. Chapter 9

Gibbs' confession silenced the room and even Ziva faltered to a stop at what she saw in his eyes.

"I know he deserves more than me. I'm a long way away from being a prize catch anymore. But here we are and it's me he's got. Look you can stand there and say whatever you want to me. Fine. Call me names, walk out on me if you need to. I can deal with it. But if you have a problem with this? With us? Then you come to me alright? I don't want Tim hurt anymore than he has been already. Ziva's right. He doesn't deserve it"

Gibbs swept the room with his bright blue eyes. Tony's shocked and angry reaction had flicked the switch for Gibbs and he felt cold hard conviction once again spreading through his veins. If that was the way it had to be then so be it.

"So while we are alone here in this room then I want to hear it. Once I walk out of this room then that's it. I don't want to be ambushed by your opinions when we should be working. I don't want looks in the parking lot or private conferences in the elevator. I want you to think about it and if you can't work with me after this then fine. You can put in for a transfer with Vance for personal reasons and I will even sign the form for you."

Gibbs paused watching, all senses on high alert to see how they would respond.

"So whose first then Huh?"

Abby shot up her hand eagerly and Gibbs couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face.

"Yes Abby"

Abby launched herself into Gibbs' arms and hugged him ferociously before enthusiastically throwing herself into a one sided conversation that Gibbs in his tired state had trouble following.

"I mean at first I was like WHAT? I mean you know with you and my Timmy. Not the shooting. No that's wrong. I WAS really scared when I heard he was shot but well you know what I mean. Shooting bad. And then you kissing him? In front of everyone? Oh my god it was like Officer and a Gentleman …you know at the end when in front of everyone he picks her up and carries her out? I was surprised and shocked and everything sort of wow you know?

But then I was like what could be better than my Gibbs and my Timmy together? I think its going to be great even though you broke your own rule Gibbs which I mean is bad but as they are your rules and you made them then I suppose that's ok. I still want you to take me out on my birthday by myself though. That's kind of our special thing and just because McGee is around I don't want to lose that but I know it wouldn't happen because well it's you Gibbs and it's McGee and he knows me better than any of you really. Even better than you in some ways Gibbs cause….

"I'm sorry Boss"

Tony whispered quietly interrupting Abby's enthusiastic rant. He was still looking at the floor and then he looked up at Gibbs, his eyes flooded with unshed tears and Gibbs saw his pain and sorrow and something else he hadn't expected. Guilt.

"You got something to say DiNozzo?" Gibbs glared at him still angry at Tony's initial reaction.

Tony stood slowly, shaking slightly and then he glanced around the room.

"I….I'm sorry. I had no right to say what I did. It was unfair to you and to McGee. I don't have an excuse. I was completely out of line. I was angry and tired and shocked. I don't know if you can accept my apology for saying what I did. I understand if you don't so I'm just going to go wait outside until you're finished."

Tony turned to go and Gibbs could see he was pale and holding onto the back of the chair far too tightly. Gibbs sighed. He hadn't worked all these years with this man without learning how to read him. Something else was going on here.

"Tony? What it is?"

Tony stopped, his back to Gibbs and the shaking increased. When he answered his voice cracked and Gibbs could tell he was trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears.

"He's like my little brother you know? An annoying, under my feet, goody two shoes little brother I never had."

Tony took a deep breath and he didn't turn around as if knowing that looking at them would break the last reserves of control he had over himself. Abby's eyes were wide and she looked like she was going to cry as Tony continued.

"But I never told him that. All I tell him is what a pain in the ass he is. At the scene I was laughing at him for being so slow. He tripped over getting out of the car and I gave him grief for it. It annoyed him but I kept at it. I just kept at it. He needed to work out more, he needed to be faster, I couldn't be the one to keep saving his ass. I said…he should stick to desk duty. I didn't mean it. Not really. I was just…you know trying to ease the tension. And he was giving back as good as he got and telling me to shut up and….."

Tony trailed off and hung his head before he rallied, wiping the tears from his eyes and continued.

"Then I heard the shot and I saw him push you out of the way and I froze. MR Senior Super Agent and I'm the one that fucking froze. I heard him scream and I knew he was badly hurt. He was on top of you Gibbs and there was already so much blood everywhere and I thought……….I thought Tim was dead because he wanted to prove to me he was a good agent. And it would have been my fault.

It's still true. All of this being my fault. I mean maybe if I had been watching the roofline like I was supposed to instead of giving Tim shit I would have seen the shooter first. I could have shouted a warning. I could have taken him out myself. Anything except this. I have been sitting out there all night thinking that Tim nearly died because of me. Because of me and my big stupid mouth and not thinking before I say something. I screwed up Boss.

I wanted to come in here and tell him as soon as he woke. Tell him to his face that I was sorry that I never give him the credit that he is due. Tell him that he didn't need to go and be heroic to prove anything to me. He has been there when I really needed it a thousand times over.

He was even there when you weren't Boss. He was my Senior Agent when you left us and even when I wasn't sure I could pull it off I knew I had to. I had to because McGee needed me to be able to do it.

But when I walked in and saw you….when I realised that you and Tim…..I knew then that he didn't do it because of me."

Tony turned and looked at Gibbs, tears freely streaming down his face.

"He did it because he loved you Boss."

Gibbs blinked rapidly and swallowed the lump that suddenly came to his throat.

"I'm sorry Gibbs. I know its no excuse but when I saw you kiss him all I thought about was myself. I was so angry. Angry at myself. Angry at you. Angry at McGee. At everybody. I thought that everyone knew except me. That even though I trust you with my life everyday, you couldn't trust me. That you were all laughing at me behind my back. Stupid DiNozzo. And it hurt Boss. It really hurt. You're the only family I really have. The only family that will put up with me and all my crap. The only ones who give a shit about me. In that moment it really hurt and I wanted to hurt you back. So I said the worst thing I could think of. I know that's childish and stupid and I regret it. But I have said it now and I can't take it back other than to say I'm sorry."

Gibbs stayed silent and Tony started towards the door. Abby made a tiny whimpering sound.

The events of the last 24 hours surged through Gibbs' tired mind.

Tony, the man who went back to NCIS to appraise the secondary team about the investigation so Gibbs could stay at the hospital with Tim.

Tony, the man who went back to the scene of the shooting and made sure it had been secured properly so the evidence couldn't be tampered with and risk loosing the conviction.

Tony who took all of Vance's call's and wore the brunt of Abby's own fear.

Tony, the man who hadn't slept or eaten in nearly twenty four hours as he picked up the slack Gibbs had left and worried about a man he cared for like a little brother.

Tony who had fielded Sarah's panicked calls as she tried to get a flight back to DC from her holiday staying with friends.

Tony who unlike Gibbs had actually seen Tim take the nightmarish shot, his body buckling under the impact as the bullet tore through his chest as he screamed.

Gibbs grabbed Tony's shoulder, whirled him around and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I nearly lost one of you, I'm not going to lose another"

Tony nearly crumpled and he buried his head into the comforting strength of Gibbs' shoulder.

"Tony, listen to me. This is important. We ALL missed the shooter. I did, Ziva did, Tim didn't see it until too late. It wasn't your fault. Understand?"

Tony finally broke and sobbed at Gibbs' forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything" Tony whispered harshly through his tears

Gibbs patted his back firmly, almost thumping it.

"Tony if I paid attention to everything that came out of your mouth I would have booted you off the team years ago."

Tony gave a small laugh and self consciously wiped the tears off his face. How embarrassing. Palmer had seen him cry.

Gibbs pulled back and looked at Tony gently.

"Are you done?"

"Yeh Boss. I'm done"

"Ok then" Gibbs gave him a small nod and a smile.

"I think I'm going to step out for a while. Go get some coffee."

Gibbs nodded and let Tony go. He suspected that Tony was going to splash some cold water on his face and take a walk outside to try and settle his emotions down. Tony always seemed to feel so much. Of them all he was the first to laugh, the first to cry and often the last to heal.

Abby gave Gibbs a big thumbs up and a wide grin before she slipped out of the room. Gibbs suspected she was probably going to keep an eye on Tony and make sure he was ok. Give him one of her patented Abby hugs.

Gibbs turned to his other team mate still left in the room.

"Ziva? Have you finished?"

Ziva was quiet for a moment considering her answer. She lifted her head and seemed to swallow him with her big dark eyes.

"I am sorry I was abrupt but I needed to know if you really cared for him. What will be ahead of you will be difficult and I need to know you will stand by him."

Ziva reached out and clasped Gibbs' hand and held it tightly in both of her hands before she leaned up and whispered for his ears only.

"I have already lost one brother to you Gibbs. I will not lose another."

And with that she released his hand, excused herself with a slight bow of the head and with glistening eyes she swiftly left the room.

Gibbs felt exhaustion sweep over him again as Ziva's strength left him. He had often wondered how she could still feel so much and yet stay so strong. He watched her go and remembered the look of loss in her eyes even as she steeled herself to shoot Ari. To kill a brother she loved to save him.

They had a relationship built literally on blood, trust and tears. He knew Ziva would defend them relentlessly to anyone who dared raise an eyebrow over his relationship with Tim.

Gibbs rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and then through his scruffy silver hair.

"Well Palmer? Since everyone else appears to have had their say? You got any sort of problem working with me and McGee after this?"

Palmer opened his mouth and rapidly closed it before attempting again, twitching slightly under Gibbs intense gaze.

"Uhh No. No problem Gibbs"

Palmer backed rapidly away and nearly succeeded in upsetting a pitcher of water. He pushed his glasses up his nose nervously and with a grateful look at Ducky left the room. His sigh of relief at having escaped with his life could be heard from down the hall.

Gibbs sat down heavily in the chair in the corner and sagged back into it exhausted.

"Well Jethro? How do you feel?" Ducky enquired, slightly worried at the dark circles under his friends eyes.

"Like I would have been better off shot Duck" Gibbs answered with his eyes still closed.

Ducky laughed gently "Yes well I'm sure I know one young man who might disagree with you."

"No doubt, Ducky, no doubt"

Ducky squeezed his shoulder

"You did very well Gibbs. You should try and rest now too as I'm sure you will want to speak to Timothy when he wakes up"

Ducky pulled a thin hospital blanket out of the tiny cupboard and spread it out over Gibbs now sprawled form.

"Don't need it Ducky" came the mumbled response as Gibbs again closed his tired and dry eyes from the harsh light that now seemed to pour through the closed blinds on the window.

"Yes yes I'm sure that's true" Ducky murmured pulling it even higher and gently tucking it around his oldest friend.

"Goodnight Jethro" Ducky whispered as he quietly left the room and its two sleeping occupants. Timothy seemed to twitch briefly in his sleep before settling down again.

Tim ran after Gibbs but he never seemed to get any closer no matter how hard he tried. He was always just ahead of him, telling him to hurry up. He couldn't let Gibbs down. He could feel his muscles working hard and his breathing was becoming strained. He clawed at his new tight shirt collar trying to give him some room to breathe. He tried to spit out the bitter taste of the teeth whitening agent from his mouth but it just seemed to make it worse. Was it getting darker? He had to hurry. He needed to be faster, stronger. Sweat dripped into his eyes making them sting and his chest burned as he pushed himself harder and harder.

The dark corridor seemed to start closing in on him, making the space smaller and smaller. Where was Gibbs? He would help. Tim saw him in the distance and kept running, desperately trying to get closer, to get any answer.

Why was Gibbs running?

Was he running away from him?

He ran faster and felt pieces of himself fall away. Some smaller bits he didn't miss, they flaked off like old worn dried paint revealing shiny new skin underneath. But soon larger pieces and then chunks tore themselves from his flesh as he ran. He screamed in pain and looked down at himself as he ran. He was becoming almost transparent. The old McGee barely existed anymore. But Gibbs seemed closer standing in a pool of light at the end of the tiny dark windowless corridor.

"Gibbs!" Tim shouted, screamed in growing panic as he felt himself slipping away.

He had a choice. Either he kept running and risked disappearing completely or he stopped and hoped Gibbs would come to him.

Tim stopped running.

And opened his eyes with a painful sudden jerk of his body as his nightmare ended.

Gibbs smiled down at him and Tim felt a bitter taste in his mouth

"Gibbs. We need to talk"


	10. Chapter 10

Gibbs tightened his grip on the sanding block he was using and thought again about the conversation he had had with Tim four days ago. For someone so ill he managed to make his point painfully, precisely clear. It was the ending that again lingered in his mind.

"I don't want you to love me because I got shot Jethro. I don't want you to love me because you feel guilty. I don't want you to love me because you feel responsible for me. I just want you to love ME. And that includes all my faults, strengths and weaknesses.

So in case you decide it would be best not to come back, then Goodbye Leroy Jethro Gibbs. And Thank you.

Tim had gently pulled his head down to meet his and given him the softest sweetest kiss that broke his heart with the amount of farewell and love he could taste in it.

And then he had left as Tim had asked him to do.

He hadn't turned around to see the tears in Tim's big green eyes he knew would be there. He hadn't thought about his steps echoing harshly down the hospital corridor or how he found his car. He hadn't thought about travelling familiar streets or even where he was going. He hadn't thought about anything until at long last he discovered himself at his home. Exhausted he shed his clothes automatically and threw himself onto his bed hoping to perhaps wake from this nightmare.

It was when he discovered Tim's favorite battered soft MIT t shirt stuffed under the other pillow that Gibbs realized what a broken heart felt like. He had hidden it from Tim as a joke the previous week. It made him laugh the way Tim would frown and push his bottom lip into a pout as he searched the house puzzled, checking the clothes hamper, the linen cupboard and declaring to Gibbs adamantly that he had had it on him just that morning.

When the penny had dropped and Tim turned on Gibbs suspiciously and advanced slowly towards him with a smile and narrowed eyes, Gibbs had felt his heart and other parts of his anatomy swell. The t-shirt had been forgotten when Tim extracted his revenge by pulling Gibbs into his arms and tickling him mercilessly. Gibbs's own shirt had been tossed over his head not long after as Tim's clever hands roamed over his chest and Gibbs had lost himself in the sensation of kissing Tim's sweet mouth.

Gibbs had pulled the soft t shirt into his chest and finally alone in the dark comfort of his familiar bed he allowed himself to mourn.

Gibbs heard the hesitant tread on his basement stairs and a slightly stressed sigh and smiled softly to himself.

"Hello Tony"

Tony started in surprise before he complained.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Who else would dare come down here? Besides those leather soled expensive shoes of yours sound different to everyone else.'"

"Oh right."

Tony paused uncertain how to begin.

"So how are you doing Boss?"

Gibbs sighed. It was going to be one of _those_ conversations.

"Do you want a drink?" Gibbs threw his sanding block onto the workbench and brushed down his hands.

Tony considered carefully. If he was offered whisky it meant Gibbs needed whisky and it was probably going to be a rough conversation. If he was offered a beer then it might not be so bad.

"Thanks. I'll just have what you're having."

"Right then. Beer it is. How about we go up the kitchen? Easier to sit and talk up there than it is down here."

"Uh sure." Tony was in uncertain waters. Beer was generally a good thing but he had _never_ been asked to sit around and chat in Gibbs' kitchen. What the hell had Probie done to him?

Tony followed Gibbs into his kitchen where he went to the fridge and pulled out two cold beers and twisted off the tops, handing one of them to Tony. Tony studied the beer in his hand.

"Is this imported? Nice. Didn't take you as the type Gibbs."

Gibbs rolled his eyes "I'm not usually. Tim likes them."

"Ah" Tony nodded and went back to carefully studying the label uncertain how to start.

Gibbs sat down at the kitchen table and clinked his bottle against Tony's in a toast

"Here's to absent friends"

Tony smiled and taking a deep swig of the beer for courage asked

"So how are you and uh McGee going?"

Gibbs sighed and studied the lopsided cupboard door he meant to fix last spring. And didn't.

"He woke up and told me to go away for two weeks and think about what I really wanted."

Tony blinked. That hadn't been what he expected.

"Are you serious? After that whole scene you went through with us and then he tells you to go away?"

Gibbs grimaced slightly as if in remembered pain.

"Yup. Told me he loved me but if I wanted a real relationship some things were going to have to change and I needed to make sure I was certain about what I wanted. He _wants_ to trust me but he needs to be sure. I have this one shot and he wants to know I'm one hundred percent about us. If I'm not then …"

There was a pause and then he continued as he fiddled with the rapidly emptying bottle of beer.

"If I'm not then Tim is going to ask Vance for a transfer, preferably out of Washington for a while. The thing is I know for a fact there is a position coming up in the Pear Harbor office."

Tony tried to laugh and lighten the dark mood that had descended onto the kitchen. McGee gone? McGee just…gone?? That wouldn't happen would it?

"McGee in Hawaii? He looks terrible in those Hawaiian shirts. Besides he is so pale he will be sun burnt all the time. Can you imagine? I mean he will be grumbling about sand in his hard drives. And he won't like leaving Jethro behind….."

Tony realized what he had said and stumbled to a halt. Silence settled around the kitchen table as both considered the huge whole Tim would leave in the team if he left.

"Tony why are you here?" Gibbs looked up at him and Tony squirmed

"Well uh…McGee sent me to check up on you."

Gibbs sat back in his chair surprised.

"I thought you said you didn't know what he said to me?"

"I didn't. I just went to visit him and he asked me to come over and make sure you were ok. I didn't ask why. To be honest I didn't really want to get into too many details. I still find it kind of ….weird you know. Not bad or anything …just strange thinking of you two together. I mean when did you….you know make the first move?"

Tony wiggled his eyebrows with a cheeky grin, his natural curiosity finally getting the best of him.

Gibbs grinned "I didn't"

"I'm sorry?" Tony frowned

"I didn't make the first move. Tim did."

Gibbs remembered the slow slide of Tim's hand up his thigh as they sat next to each other on his couch after the Burrows case. It still made Gibbs heart race. It was late, Gibbs' car was in being serviced and Tim had offered him a ride home. They had talked about inconsequential things and drunk a couple of beers before Tim carefully put his hand on Gibbs' knee. Tim had turned to him and slowly licked his lips. Gibbs found himself staring at Tim's full soft mouth and he suddenly understood what the unreadable look he had seen in Tim's eyes had been. He wanted him.

Tim slid his hand slowly higher, watching Gibbs' face for any hostile reaction before he cupped him firmly through his pants and Gibbs has sucked in his breath making a hissing sound at the surge of desire that jolted through him. Tim's hands were large, strong and utterly different from a woman's. Tim had smiled softly and leaned down and started kissing the side of his neck as he…..

"Are you serious? McGee made the move on you? Damn I never would have thought he would have the guts."

Tony exclamations pulled Gibbs away from his pleasant musings.

"Yeah well there are a lot of things you don't know about McGee."

Gibbs smirked and Tony suddenly stopped, his mouth hanging open for a second before he snapped it shut. Tony quickly finished off his beer in several large gulps, his eyes darting everywhere in the room but Gibbs face. Gibbs quirked an eyebrow. Had he succeeded in making Tony blush?

Tony started peeling the wet label off the now empty bottle of beer before he looked up.

"Gibbs, I gotta ask. Are we good? I mean to work together?"

Gibbs shrugged casually and stood to get them both another beer from the fridge.

"Sure Tony. We're good. Nothing changes you know. I have been working with you for months while seeing McGee and you didn't even notice. It's not like I'm suddenly going to hit on you or anything."

Tony laughed "Well I know that. Besides it would appear that I'm not your type."

"My type?"

"Yeah you know. With woman you like them red headed and feisty. With guys it would appear that you go for the wide eyed, pouty mouthed, boy scout types.."

"Tony"

The familiar tone of Gibbs' voice gave the warning that Tony was starting to stray into territory Gibbs preferred to keep private and Tony grinned.

"You do realize that if you say yes then everything is going to change. I mean before it was all hush hush but well, we all know now and it sounds like McGee is talking about something serious with you.

McGee's pretty close to his family, has he ever said that… ..well you know that he would tell them about you?

Now there's a conversation that I wouldn't want to be around for. I gather his Father is a bit of a hard ass. So maybe not.

But even if he doesn't then he's still going to want to do couple type things with you when he can. And that means coming up out of that basement of yours and having Christmas's and Thanksgivings and Birthdays. Book signings. Valentines. Anniversaries.

Maybe he might just tell Sarah? I mean they are pretty close underneath all the hassling she dishes out to him. Are you ready to get the don't hurt my big brother speech from her? Now there's a girl with a real mouth on her and I don't think she's going to hold back just because you're older or McGee's Boss either."

Tony tapped the table thoughtfully and looked around the large kitchen

"Have you thought about where you are going to live? Tim's place is so damn small it would make sense that if you guys get serious he would move in here. But that means he's going to need a room as a study for his writing and he's going to need another one for all his computer crap. And don't forget about Jethro. You might need to get higher fencing if you have a German Sheppard running around the yard. "

Tony prattled on as Gibbs sat in his chair and realized finally that Tim was right. He hadn't been looking at the future. He had only been looking at the right now and how much he wanted Tim to be beside him.

Could he do all that? Could he clear out Kelly's room and turn it into a study? Could he greet the neighbors he had known for years while they watched Tim collect the morning newspaper again in his sweats with sleep rumpled hair? Could he handle a Christmas tree going back up and presents and egg nog instead of spending the day either working or in his basement? Would Tim like the wives before him bitch about wet towels left on the bathroom floor or dry cleaning that was forgotten?

A future Gibbs hadn't considered stretched out in front of him and he realized why Tim had really sent Tony over to see him. If there was one thing Tony could do it was talk.

The decision that had seemed so obvious a few days ago at Tim's bedside suddenly seemed a lot more difficult.

And still Tony talked.

"McGee's not really a sports guy so maybe when a good games on, you could come over to my place and watch it? That would be kind of cool. Like a guys night. Tim could use the quiet here to write.

Oh and you might want to think about changing your doors always unlocked policy as well. I'm sure you wouldn't want one of your old service buddies strolling in here and finding you two in a compromising situation together.

Anyway at least McGee wouldn't have to worry about being late to work because of some traffic accident on the Beltway. He's much closer to the yard being here than all the way out in Silver Spring."

"Tony?"

"Yeah Boss?"

"I think its time you went home now."

"Oh ok. Well I will see you at work then"

Tony left whistling happily now that his task had been completed and Gibbs made his way back down to the familiar basement and picked up his sanding block. He had ten days to make the biggest decision of his life.

He hoped he had enough sandpaper.

What was he thinking? Hell he hoped he had enough boat.


	11. Chapter 11

Tim sat nervously in his hospital bed and waited for Tony to come and pick him up. He was still far from well but essentially all the doctors could do for him had already been done and now he just needed time to heal.

Tim felt like he might never heal from the giant gaping hole in his chest.

Gibbs still hadn't come.

Tim tried not to think about it but it seemed to consume his mind and he found himself looking at the clock on the wall every few seconds. Watching as it ticked down through the afternoon and slowly eroded away any feeling he had left in his heart.

He would get better and then he would go to Vance. No he would phone Vance. The thought of walking through the bullpen and up those familiar stairs with the eyes of everyone on him made him break out into a sweat.

Would Gibbs watch him silently from behind his desk as if nothing had happened? Or perhaps he would see him step out from the elevator and just leave? Perhaps Gibbs would go and see Ducky and allow him to clean out his desk in privacy.

The whole idea horrified him. His desk. Sitting across from Gibbs all those years. Kate's desk. Ziva's desk. Those stupid orange walls. Even the damn waste paper basket Tony threw his paper into was enough to make him choke back tears.

What if he called Vance and then cleared out his desk after hours? Surely that had to be better than Tony trying to cheer him up with awful jokes and Ziva's sad eyes and silence? Abby….well he might have to sneak out of the building. He couldn't even imagine how he would be able to say goodbye to her. She had once ruled his world and she still kept a little piece of his heart under lock and key in a box by her coffin.

"Tim?"

Gibbs carefully negotiated the wheelchair into the room and softly called Tim's name. Tim looked up and suddenly any tiny residual doubts Gibbs might have had were washed away in the sheer joy and surprise on Tim's face. He was beaming at him and Gibbs couldn't help a matching silly grin in response.

"Gibbs!" Was all Tim could muster as his heart surged painfully back to life. He blinked and tried to get his thoughts together.

"Uhhhh where's Tony?"

"I told Tony that I would take this one. Besides he's still got some reports he needs to finish up."

Tim was just nodding, barely hearing what Gibbs was saying as he wheeled the chair over to the bedside. Tim felt such relief sweep over him that he allowed his shoulders to relax for the first time in days and he suddenly felt exhausted.

He had stopped running and Gibbs had come to him.

"Are you ok to do this?"

Gibbs studied Tim's face as he asked the question. Underneath the light of joy on his face he was still pale and he looked like he had lost quite a lot of weight. It had been a bit of a shock to stand at the doorway and see him for the first time in two weeks.

Gibbs had managed to convince himself that Tim hadn't looked as bad as he had but now Gibbs realized that he looked worse. And this was after two weeks of healing. Everyone had been giving him daily reports, telling him how well Tim was doing and studiously ignoring why it was that Gibbs wasn't going to see Tim himself.

Tim nodded vigorously "Get me the hell out of here Jethro. I have never wanted to leave a place so much in my life."

Gibbs laughed at his enthusiasm. It felt good to have Tim call him Jethro again.

He watched as Tim shakily pushed back the blanket and turned on the bed dropping his legs over the side. He paused and prepared himself to stand beside the bed and then sit in the wheelchair. Gibbs gently put an arm around his waist and helped support his weight, lowering him into the chair.

"Lean on me" he whispered, feeling shocked at how frail Tim seemed to be in his supportive embrace. Those IV's were meant to put nutrients into Tim not suck them out. Hadn't he been sleeping? Why wasn't someone making him eat for god's sake?

Tim collapsed into the chair and squeezed Gibbs hand gratefully.

"Thank you for being here"

Tim's words were quiet and Gibbs knew they referred to a lot more than him simply picking Tim up from the hospital.

Gibbs made his way carefully out of the room while Tim nursed a small bag of belongings he had gathered on his lap. Then they spent another small eternity signing forms, being handed prescriptions, instructions and contact numbers for the nurses who would be visiting daily for some time to change bandages and monitor medication and make sure that Tim didn't over do anything.

And then finally they were free.

Gibbs helped Tim into the front seat of the car and then took back the wheelchair to the hospital. He hopped into the driver's seat and then paused, staring out over the steering wheel.

"Tim? I'm going to take you home with me. I think we need some time to talk about a few things. About us. About work. But mostly you need someone to give you a hand until you are at least up and walking around. I spoke to Vance and cleared it with him to take some of that leave time I never use.

Now I know you had plans and you had a roster thing worked out with Abby and Sarah and whoever but I'm going to do it. You are going to need someone to get your meals, help you bathe, get your medicine, make sure Jethro's walked. I figured you would need some help and now that I have seen you I know you do so I don't want any arguments from you about being independent and perfectly capable. Ok?"

Gibbs turned to see what Tim's reaction to essentially getting kidnapped from the hospital and having all his careful plans changed would be.

Gibbs smiled and started the car.

Tim was fast asleep with his head resting against the window as the late afternoon sun warmed the car. Gibbs thought he looked beautiful with his soft mouth slightly open and his long fair lashes curled against his cheek. His hair hadn't been cut and his long bangs fell across his forehead. Gibbs gently swept them to the side out of the way feeling Tim's soft silky hair once again under his fingers.

Tim jerked awake and then winced painfully as the car pulled to a stop at Gibbs' house. Tim blinked. What was he doing here?

Gibbs opened the front door and dropped off his bag before coming back and opening Tim's door. Tim looked at him suspiciously.

Gibbs smiled "I did a whole speech. Just for you. It wasn't my fault you slept through it"

Tim gave a small smile and nodded tiredly as he carefully climbed out of the car. He certainly wasn't going to fight about it right now. And he didn't want to have Gibbs worrying about him anymore than he already was. If he could just make it inside.

Tim looked up to see Jethro barking loudly and enthusiastically jumping and pulling against the rope he was tied to at the sight of his recently missing master. It made him smile as Jethro's tail wagged furiously and his tongue lolled out as he appeared to smile at him, his big dark brown doggy eyes adoring.

Gibbs smiled "Normally he runs around the yard but I figured you might not be up for a big greeting from a large German Shepard quite yet so I tied him up before I left."

Tim nodded and carefully negotiated the few small steps to the front door grabbing onto the porch railing.

"Was it a good speech you gave me?" Tim tried to distract Gibbs from his frustrating frailty

"Oh yeah. Great. An excellent well rounded argument with all the salient points. You would have been proud. You wouldn't have been able to argue against it even if you had heard it"

Gibbs hovered next to Tim ready to grab him at an instants notice if he collapsed. He sensed that Tim wanted to be able to walk the few steps into the house unassisted. Tim could be surprisingly stubborn about that sort of thing. Not that he had to prove himself to Gibbs anymore. Thank god the Master bedroom was on the ground floor.

Gibbs held onto Tim's elbow and led him carefully through the door and into his bedroom where Tim gratefully collapsed onto the large bed with a slight sweat beginning to form on his forehead. Gibbs bent down and slipped off Tim's shoes and pulled the blankets back while Tim carefully wiggled out of the light sweat pants he was wearing and dropped them on the floor. As Gibbs pulled the blankets up around him Tim leaned back against the soft pillows with a slight sigh and then with his eyes closed he smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Gibbs asked curiously

"I can smell your aftershave on the pillows. It's nice."

Gibbs thought about the nights he had slept curled around Tim's old t shirt and how it had smelt of soap and sweat and aftershave and happier times. It would be nice to have Tim's scent on his pillows again.

Right now the house smelt of new paint, old coffee, large dog and change.

"I will be sleeping in the spare room for a while so I don't jostle you. You look like you could do with the sleep. I will come back in a couple of hours and bring you some dinner. Then maybe later we can talk?"

Gibbs sighed as he looked down to find Tim already blissfully asleep. Again.

He got Tim a large glass of water and placed it beside the bed, pulled the curtains closed and then gave him a soft lingering kiss on the forehead.

"It's good to have you home Timmy"


	12. Chapter 12

_(Thank you very much to all of you reading and enjoying this story. This is something I do as a hobby for fun. This was a very experimental pairing (obviously) and I was challenging myself as a writer to see what I could do. Have some fun with a rare pair. Your thoughtful comments and support help keep me enthused to continue all my stories when my real life gets busy. And I know as a reader myself how much I hate reading uncompleted stories! So thank you again. To Kowak, I would please ask that you not comment any further on this story. I find it personally hurtful although I hope you are not being malicious on purpose. I let the first one slide but as you are still commenting after eleven chapters I felt I needed to address it. I would have addressed this with you privately as i would prefer but as you are not even a full member that was denied me. To others as you know I do not mind constructive comments and ideas as I am trying to become better at this. Thank you and now onto the story! Precious Pup.)_

For the next four days Tim slept.

He woke, smiled sweetly at Gibbs, ate and then drifted back to sleep again. He would settle into such a deep sleep he barely moved and Gibbs found himself sneaking into the room and checking on him often like he was a small child just to make sure he was ok.

When Abby came over to visit and Tim was once again asleep Gibbs found himself angrily venting some of his growing frustration and concern at Abby as they sat on the porch steps.

"Is this what he was like in the hospital? He sleeps all the time. I would think it's the medication but they keep lowering the dosages and he just seems to sleep more. I'm beginning to worry. I mean its not that he's avoiding talking to me or anything is it? Should I have let him go back to his apartment instead of bringing him here?"

Abby just sat there and gave him a look.

"What?" Gibbs questioned her angry, frustrated and simultaneously amused look

Abby reached behind Gibbs and gave him a firm head slap.

"Now don't go crazy on me but you deserved that. You didn't see him in the hospital. He NEVER slept or not well anyway even on his medication. He was worried all the time, he kept watching the door even when he was supposed to be talking to someone. His shoulders were hunched up round his ears he was so tense.

He was worried about YOU. He was the one in hospital and he sent Tony to go check on YOU. He didn't ask me to look in on you because he knew I was doing that anyway. Now that he is here with you he can finally relax and get the rest he's needed instead of worrying all the time. It's a GOOD thing Gibbs."

Abby sighed and leaned her head on her curled up hands with a soft smile.

"Oh you should have heard him in the hospital Gibbs. He really was worried you wouldn't come back. He kept wondering if he had done the right thing. If he was too harsh or if it might have worked out better if he hadn't said anything at all. And then he was talking about wanting you two to be an equal partnership and how he had to know if you really cared enough about him because he didn't know if he could take you leaving him again."

Abby gave Gibbs another look.

"You have figured out that's why he has been trying to change himself and be the best agent he can haven't you? The hair? Those training tapes he's been listening to at the gym? The extra practices at the firing range after work? He was worried he wasn't good enough for you. But he was getting tired of second guessing himself all the time. He said something about being tired of running all the time? "

Gibbs sat in shocked silence and looked out across his front yard as Abby's words settled into his conciousness. All that time…..Gibbs blinked as a thousand little looks and sighs and Tim being worried about what he ate and what he wore all started to make sense. Tim had only been trying to make himself fit into his world. And here he had been worried that Tim was changing so much he would be left behind!

The silence stretched out longer and then Gibbs reached up and gave himself a sharp head slap on the back of his head. So much for being the great investigator! He couldn't even see what was right in front of him all this time.

Abby gave him a smirk that said precisely what she thought of stupid boys and then exhaled dramatically and continued

"Oh it was marvelous Gibbs, in a terrible sort of way how he anguished over you. Very Harlequin Romance. I _of course_ had to assure him that you would eventually figure out that you were meant to be together. And that everything would work out for the best. That you were meant to be together. That you completed each other. Like Ying and …well Ying"

Gibbs quirked an eyebrow as Abby swooned backwards into his lap and kept talking up to him as she lay there, the back of one hand to her forehead.

"Oh it's so romantic the two of you. Just the thought of my two most favorite guys together……deeply in love with each other…… and all naked and sexy….Timmy with his tattoo and you with your sweaty silver hair all….."

"Abby!" Gibbs cut off Abby's developing sexual fantasy sternly.

"Yes Gibbs?" Abby smiled innocently

"How about we got see if Tim's awake?"

"Ok" Abby smiled brightly and bounced out of his lap while Gibbs shook his head at her.

******************************************************************

Tim groaned softly and opened his eyes and glared at Gibbs

"What? Am I doing it wrong?" Gibbs frowned and quickly sat back on the edge of the bed and Tim just closed his eyes and dropped his head back against the pillow in frustration.

"Could you just…I don't know …be a bit less…sensual about it?"

Gibbs gave a bark of laughter "Sensual? It's a sponge bath Tim. I'm not trying to seduce you"

Tim muttered half under his breath "Well you're doing a very good job of it. It's just very frustrating to be ….getting aroused and unable to physically do anything about it."

Gibbs tried to bite back a smile but he couldn't help smirking his pleasure at hearing that his much younger lover was still so attracted by him he could turn him on with a soapy sponge.

"Could you just not drag the sponge across my skin so slowly or something? Don't be so nice. Be practical. Brisk. Please?"

Gibbs smile grew wider as he started back on Tim's legs and thighs with the warm damp sponge. "Yes Boss"

Tim groaned again "Don't call me that you big tease. Seriously the first thing I'm going to do when I'm up and about again is have the longest hot shower you can imagine. And I don't care if I use up every drop of hot water you have in the house."

Gibbs dipped the sponge into more warm soapy water and then started on Tim's lower stomach making him shiver.

"Do you think that even when you're having your own showers you might need your back scrubbed on occasion?" Gibbs asked hopefully not looking at Tim as he moved further up his chest, above his bandages paying distinct attention to his nipples.

Tim just made a little high pitched frustrated whinny huff and it reminded Gibbs so much of a noise he had heard Jethro make he had to laugh.

"You are such a dirty boy Timothy McGee" Gibbs tut tutted and he instinctively ducked knowing a pillow was going to be coming his way.

"If Abby ever heard you speak to me like that she would have a fit. I'm sure she has dirty dreams about us together already, so please don't say anything to encourage her Gibbs. She keeps giving me these weird spaced out looks sometimes and she bites her lip."

"Yes Boss"

"I think I hate you sometimes, you know that Jethro?"

Gibbs smiled and leaned down and kissed Tim, warm and lazy and long before pulling back and smiling down at Tim who was wide eyed and almost panting.

"No you don't. You love me Timothy McGee. Now hurry up and get better. There is something I want to show you but its upstairs and I'm certainly not going to carry you up there."

Tim's eyes sparked with that intense curiosity he had.

"What's upstairs?"

"Uh no. You have to get better and get up there yourself. No more trembling and passing out by pushing yourself too hard, too early. And put some weight back on by finishing all your meals. I liked the way you looked before. I don't want to be cuddling up to what feels like a bunch of pencils at night do I?"

Tim smiled and then looked thoughtful, furrowing his brow and pursing his full lips before he asked Gibbs with wide innocent eyes

"What about you _half_ tell me what is upstairs?"

Gibbs laughed "Oh no you're not twisting me around your finger on this one. Consider it extra motivation to get better and get up and around."

Tim pouted

"And no pouting" Gibbs admonished with a stern finger and a badly hidden smile.

"I'm not pouting. I can't help it. My bottom lip is fuller than my top. Doesn't mean I'm pouting." Tim fluttered his eyelashes at Gibbs appealingly.

Gibbs smiled at him knowingly and held up the slightly dripping sponge "Uh huh. Now are you going to roll over so I can do your back?"

Tim groaned and squeezed his eyes shut.

*****************************************************************

"Oh Gibbs"

Tim stood in the doorway and looked into the room.

Kelly's room.

His room.

Sunlight flooded through the large open windows of the recently painted bright and cheerful room. New white curtains fell softly to the floor and stirred with the breeze. Tim had never stepped foot in this room before although he had seen it on occasion if the door was open to air the room out when he went past.

Gone was the girlish bed with its fairy quilt cover and cuddly stuffed toys. Gone was the over stuffed toy chest in the corner and the Princess musical jewelry box. Gone was the large white mirror with puffy glittery pony stickers stuck down one side. Gone was the Barbie doll house that used to be in the corner and the lost sparkly shoe from under the bed.

Instead Tim's writing desk was in the corner along with his faithful typewriter and favorite writing chair. His inspiration pipe was propped up on a little wooden stand next to a large writing pad. In the other corner of the room was his coat stand with his once favored old trench coat on it and Tony's old stolen NCIS swoop cap with the bullet hole in it. A soft and battered deep brown leather couch sat beneath the window in the sun with a soft throw rug draped over the end looking as if it were made for afternoon naps after long hours of late night writing.

A thick wool rug covered much of the floor and already seemed to have Jethro's dog hair on it in several spots. The room was full of the smell of sun warmed leather and books and familiar things. All of his favorite books were on a large new bookshelf which filled an entire wall of the room. In gaps between the books there were pictures of Tim and the rest of the NCIS team. Of Sarah. Of Kate. Tim's graduation from FLETC. Of Gibbs and Jethro.

"Oh Gibbs"

Tim had no words and he blinked rapidly to hold back tears that started to fill his eyes.

Gibbs hugged him softly "I hope you like it."

Tim just gave an astonished laugh and looked again at the room.

"It's …perfect. Absolutely perfect"

Gibbs smiled "I hope so. It was a hell of a job to get that desk up the stairs. You would have loved to have heard Tony complaining about it."

Tim just nodded and with a look at Gibbs for permission stepped into the room. Tim reverently trailed his fingers across the beautiful wooden bookcase he was certain Gibbs had made himself just taking in all the little details. The crystal ink well, his diplomas on the walls, his valuable 1st edition Moonstone.

Gibbs just watched pleased as Tim seemed awed.

"Tim, I didn't just want to SAY that I want to include you in my life. I wanted to SHOW you. You are part of my future and while I won't forget what I had its time to stop living in the past. I don't expect it is going to be easy but I would like for us to be able to get through it together. I wanted to ask if you would move in with me? Stay with me here. Even after you are better. We can take it slow and just figure it out as we go."

Tim looked deep into Gibbs blue eyes with a smile that made the sun pale in comparison.

"Yes. Yes Jethro Yes"

Tim pulled Gibbs into a hug in the middle of the room and Gibbs buried his head into Tim's strong shoulder and blinked back his own tears as he smelled the fabric softener, deodorant, soap and Timmy smell he had once missed so much.

"I'm glad you said yes. Tony would have totally bitched like a girl if I had to get him to help me get that heavy desk back down the stairs and back to your place. Besides Jethro loves it here"

Tim laughed and held Gibbs tighter, squeezing him.

"God I love you, you know that?"

Gibbs smiled and felt peace wash over him 'Yeah I do"


End file.
